Those Eyes That Burn
by tigersmeleth
Summary: A conversation between Dumbledore and Snape concerning Harry. Snape must face a few demons of his own past as a result. Set sometime during HBP. NOT SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Those Eyes That Burn**

By Tiger 4/27/06

**SUMMARY:** A conversation between Dumbledore and Snape concerning Harry. Snape must face a few demons of his own past as a result. Set sometime during HBP. NOT SLASH.

**DISCLAIMER:** I in no way own Harry Potter or its characters. I only own the plot to this story.

Severus Snape was not a happy man at the moment. He was not happy about the situation Draco's mother put him in, nor was he happy about how he had received his current position. Apparently, no one wished to risk their own precious neck to teach children how to fight. It was no secret in the Wizarding world that Defense Against the Dark Arts was a cursed position. Severus had been all to happy to accept the job he coveted. What he didn't like was that he seemed to be the last resort for the job.

Despite it all, he had to admit that he rather relished the look of horrified surprise on Potter's face when Dumbledore announced his new position. That was what kept him going most days, torturing Potter and his friends. He was childish, he supposed, to keep up a feud that the boy had nothing to do with other than an accident of birth. But revenge felt sweet nonetheless.

"Severus," Snape groaned inwardly at the sharpness of the headmaster's voice. He was in no mood for another argument with the headmaster. He cared for the man as he would a father, true, but he was just as irritated with the man as he would have been with his own father. Especially when the sharp tone was directed at him. He quietly got up to open the door for the headmaster.

"What do you want, Albus?" Severus asked with a sneer on his face. No need for the headmaster to know that he was only slightly troubled.

"You know perfectly well what I wish, Severus," Albus Dumbledore stood regal in his anger. "We've been through this man, many times."

"Ah yes, the Potter boy," Severus said with more sneering. He seated Dumbledore in a chair.

"Why must you treat him as a criminal? You know perfectly well that he is not," Dumbledore let his gaze pierce through the younger man.

"As I've been saying for the past six years, Headmaster," Severus hoped that by invoking the title he would be able to cut the conversation short. "The Potter boy is just a boy, not a celebrity and must be treated as such. He has proven himself to be a persistent rule breaker, just like his father was." He really didn't mean to spit that last word out so cruelly.

"Is that why you've been punishing the boy?" Albus knew exactly what this was about. He had been a food to not see how deeply the Marauder-Snape feud ran. "You're punishing him because you can't punish James."

"I am most certainly not!" _The nerve of the headmaster!_ Snape thought. Even if his accusation was rather true.

"What would Lily think of it all, I wonder?" Albus paused. "What would she think if one of her dearest friends treated her only child the way you have been?"

"Do not mention her name, Lily is head!" Snape shouted. He paused momentarily. He had said it. Lily was dead, after all of the years after the even, he said it.

"Should you not then respect the memory of the dead?" Albus asked softly. "You know this as well as I, Harry is her living memory."

Severus pushed away the sudden guilt he felt. "But you know as well as I, Albus, that Potter is the living memory of his father more so than his mother."

"Are you quite sure, Severus?" Albus rose to leave. "It is late, I should be going." He showed himself out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Those Eyes That Burn**

**Chapter 2**

By Tiger 5/4/06

A/N: Thank you to Rhonda, leggylover03 for the wonderful beta job!

Severus walked into his room intending to rest. It had been a trying day. He wasn't sure which was worse, trying to prevent his classroom from being blown up while teaching potions, or trying to prevent himself and several dozen bratty children from blowing each other up. He decided on the latter. There were always a few that he felt he could be rid of, and class would be much smoother this way.

He went on to prepare his nightly cup of tea, a bit of this, a bit of that steeped in boiling hot water. As he did so, he pondered on what the headmaster had said to him. Was Dumbledore right? Had he been so blinded with hatred for Potter that he couldn't even see Lily anymore?

Taking the tea with him to put on his night table, he felt a sudden chill in the air, followed by a sudden gloominess and warmth. He shrugged it off thinking that it was his own foolishness causing him to feel chilly. It wasn't as if it weren't always cold in his dungeons.

"Of all the people I thought would act like a child, I never pictured it being you, Severus," a sad voice spoke from behind him. He stood still in shock for a moment. That voice…it was a voice he never expected to hear again. He whirled around to face glowing green eyes.

"Lily," he breathed, eyes wide open. She stood before him in all of her youthful beauty, literally only a beam of translucent light. He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her, and hope that his mind was not playing tricks with him. He could tell that she was very much alive, though it appeared only in spirit. "What are you doing here? You're dead!" He did suppose that the second statement was rather obvious.

"There are some things even magical folk cannot understand, this is one of them," she calmly explained to him, as she had done so many times in the past. Her eyes hardened as she looked closer at him.

"I heard your conversation with Dumbledore," she accused. "How could you, Severus? How could you? I asked you to protect my son, not hurt him! What if it were me? Would you treat me the same way?" She fought the urge to beat her fists against his chest, as if that would do any good.

Her words stung him. Though she was only a specture, the words still stung as much as they would have if she were alive. A slap in the face would have hurt less, he concluded. He never cared about the opinions of others, only hers. She was the epitome of perfection: beautiful, intelligent, kind even to the bastard that he was. She cared. Lily cared, and only asked that he extend the same kindess to her own self's extension in the form of her son.

"What does it matter who the father is? Harry is_ my_ son, Severus! And he would have been yours if you hadn't turned your back on me!" she yelled at him, her face and voice full of hurt and pain.

"I didn't turn my back on you! Your precious James Potter and his friends did that!" he snarled at the specter. He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Funny, I thought that you loved me enough to stand with me through that." Lily looked at him sadly, with her piercing emerald eyes. "I would have thought that you would care for Harry because he is a part of me."

Severus couldn't say anything, too numb to do much more than stare at her eyes, as they looked back at him, filled with anger and pain. Vaguely, he recalled that he had seen the same expression in those same eyes a few hours beforehand during his Potions class. Potter's eyes. Green emerald Lily's eyes. Lily's son. Her son. The boy could have been his so long ago had he chosen the boy. Severus felt a wave of guilt wash over him. She always made him feel this way, guilty, until he set things right.

"I-I-" he stammered, not knowing quite what to say to her.

"Forget it," she said, her eyes glistening. "I thought you had a heart. Apparently, I was wrong." She turned to leave him, however specters were supposed to leave. She couldn't bear to be in the same room as the man who hurt her only child so.

"Don't go," Came a strangled whispered from behind her. Severus' fingers ran through her shoulders as he momentarily forgot the fact that she was only a ghost, as if that would keep her from leaving.

"Funny," Lily replied, "I seem to recall saying those words to you, and you never came back to me." She brushed past his fingers. She couldn't feel much, only that they were warm. She almost shivered at his touch, but then remembered Harry. Lily sighed and turned around. She couldn't leave him like this.

Severus looked into her glowing green eyes—Potter's eyes—he pushed the thought away.

"I'm sorry," Severus whispered to her, unable to face her sad, accusing eyes.

"So am I, Severus," she answered softly. She reached out and only then remembered she could not truly touch him. Instead, she blew him a kiss.

He watched, helpless as she went from translucent to transparent, unable to stop her from leaving him yet again. He felt as if she had died all over again. Grudgingly, he allowed himself to cry one tear for her. He stood in the middle of the room before painfully putting himself to bed. If he cared to open his eyes at all, he would have noticed a pair of bright green eyes watching over him as he slept.

"You still love him, don't you?" Lily turned around to see James Potter leaning in the doorway.

"Get out of here, James!" She hissed at him, turning away from the man.

"Figures, no answer to that question," He shrugged his shoulders.

"How many times do we need to have this conversation?" She could see his hurt, and she was sorry that she was the cause of it.

He put up his hand. "I know, I'm sorry," Lily nodded at him and he left. She looked down at Severus' face, it was troubled.

_He would have been yours if you hadn't turned your back on me…_her words echoed in Severus' head as he slept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Those Eyes That Burn**

**Chapter 3**

By Tiger 6/7/06

A/N: This chapter is once again dedicated to Rhonda as well as Trin, you both have helped me so much these past few weeks, thank you.

A/N: Also, I'm very sorry for the late update! But you don't have to wait anymore because this is the last chapter, so thank you for reading!

_16 years earlier, March 1981, Godric's Hollow_

"Severus!" Lily's eyes lit up as she saw him walk towards her.

"Lily," he nodded in greeting.

"Please sit," she said, playing hostess. _He is only here because I need him to protect Harry._ She calmed herself, not allowing the butterflies in her stomach rise any higher. She magically conjured the tea she knew he liked and handed him the cup, pretending to ignore the touch of warm fingers over her own.

"What is it Lily? I assume that I am not here for a social call. That was long ago." He calmly sipped his tea. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her as she tended to her son. Motherhood suited her, he decided. The corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile has he watched her rock her son to sleep. Her son, not his. Potter's son, not his. Just as quickly the smile came, it disappeared.

"I need your help." Well, he could not fault her for not getting to the point as quickly as he would have, as he was nothing if not blunt. He found it to be one of her more endearing qualities.

"And Potter can't help you the way he did three years ago?" he sneered. He watched her eyes darken in anger. _Beautiful…_he fleetingly thought.

"James has nothing to do with this, he doesn't even know you're here!" she informed him in clipped tones. "I only want you to help Harry!"

He let out a snort. "Was that all I ever good for when it comes to you? Protection?"

"You know that isn't true, Severus!" Lily retorted, letting some of the hurt seep out into her voice.

"What was I then? After all, you barely waited a year before running to Potter's bed," he spat out bitterly. He still remembered that triumphant look on Potter's face when he announced his engagement.

"You were _everything!_" Lily cried. "Then you left! You left without a goodbye, without a note, nothing! What was I supposed to think? You quite clearly implied that you wanted nothing more to do with me!" She looked at him with tears in her eyes. She stood under the sun, the light making her glow.

"I was protecting you by removing myself from your life!" Now Severus stood up as well, knocking over his teacup.

"Didn't you know?" Lily asked with a small humorless laugh, "I didn't want to be protected from you, I wanted to be protected by you."

Severus felt quite queer at the statement. But the feeling turned to anger. "Really? You wanted to be protected by a Death Eater turned spy, or had you quite forgotten this?" He roughly pulled up his sleeve and flung his wrist in front of her eyes.

The skull and snake gaped at her as she gaped at them. Then she looked into his eyes. "You were a good man, Severus. I would have trusted you despite that horrid thing on your amr." She gently ran her fingers over the tattoo.

He didn't know what prompted him to do what he did next. He only knew that her lips were on his, and pressed against her. It was a feeling so familiar, so missed, a feeling of knowing that you were truly loved. Roughly, he pushed away from her before they did anything more. He could hear the baby's soft cry. The baby that wasn't his.

"Funny, I never thought of you as a person who would use her wiles to get what you wanted." Harsh and unrelenting he knew, but he was of no use to her, though he could tell that all happened was real, no deceptions. He had to protect her.

"So, to answer your question, have a good day, Mrs. _Potter_," he turned his back on her and left.

"Don't go!" he heard her strangled cry. If he turned around, he would have seen the tears running down her face.

"Severus, please," she pleaded with him. But he didn't come back, he didn't even turn around to say goodbye. It was Harry's cry that tore her away from the retreating man.

"I know, I know," she soothed the baby as she rocked him back and forth. "I'm tired too."

_Present day, Hogwarts_

"I did it all for you," Severus whispered into the dark. He knew most definitely that that had not been a dream. He had his doubts, during his darkest days, he had managed to convince himself that the times he spent with Lily were only dreams. He looked at the clock on his wall, 6:00. Well that was bloody wonderful. School, Potter. He groggily shook his head. The events of the night before changed nothing. Potter was still Potter.

He found that he could not quite dock points off Gryffindor for Potter's stumble. He couldn't. Not when anger and injustice flashed in _her _eyes.


End file.
